A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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