I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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