I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
