sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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