I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
