Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
