My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
