God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
