my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
