the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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