I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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