I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
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Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize