So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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