new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Text me some of your sweat
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
