I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
