So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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