So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
