R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
