Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
