I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
