Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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