if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
