he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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