It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
