I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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