I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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