He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
