his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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