Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
