Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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