haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize