I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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