We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
