It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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