I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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