I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
