true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
