Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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