you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
