I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
