Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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