My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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