Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
