I'm drive I can fine osifer
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
