Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
