Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
