I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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