she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
even my farts smell like vagina
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
