You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
