I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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