Someone shit on the floor
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
