There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
