New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?