I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm too high and old for this...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
