Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
