i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
whose parrot is this?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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