I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
