Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
