But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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