I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
