I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
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