It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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