So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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