Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
