I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have fence marks all over my body
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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