I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
