it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
