Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
is wine microwaveable?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
