That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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