Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
