talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
