I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
