Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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