Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
