His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
