So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
