I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize