remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
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