I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
